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FEATURE: THE MAMMOTH WORLD OF THE HAMMOND ORGAN

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The Hammond organ is an electric organ, invented by Laurens Hammond and John M. Hanert and first manufactured in 1935. Various models have been produced, most of which use sliding drawbars to create a variety of sounds. Until 1975, Hammond organs generated sound by creating an electric current from rotating a metal tonewheel near an electromagnetic pickup. Around two million Hammond organs have been manufactured, and it has been described as one of the most successful organs. The organ is commonly used with, and associated with, the Leslie speaker.

334The organ was originally marketed and sold by the Hammond Organ Company to churches as a lower-cost alternative to the wind-driven pipe organ, or instead of a piano. It quickly became popular with professional jazz musicians, who found it a cheaper alternative to the big band. Jimmy Smith’s use of the Hammond B-3, with its additional harmonic percussion feature, inspired a generation of organ players, and its use became more widespread in the 1960s and 1970s in rhythm and blues, rock and reggae, as well as being an important instrument in progressive rock.

The Hammond Organ Company struggled financially during the 1970s as they abandoned tonewheel organs and switched to manufacturing instruments using integrated circuits. These instruments were not as popular with musicians as the tonewheels had been, and the company went out of business in 1985. The Hammond name was purchased by the Suzuki Musical Instrument Corporation, which proceeded to manufacture digital simulations of the most popular tonewheel organs. This culminated in the production of the “New B-3″ in 2002, which provided an accurate recreation of the original B-3 organ using modern digital technology.

Hammond-Suzuki continues to manufacture a variety of organs for both professional players and churches. Other companies, such as Korg, Roland and Clavia, have also achieved success in providing emulations of the original tonewheel organs. The sound of a tonewheel Hammond can also be emulated using modern software such as Native Instruments B4.

B3and122lgMost Hammond organs have two 61-note (5-octave) manuals. Each manual is laid out in a similar manner to a piano keyboard, except pressing a key results in the sound continuously playing until it is released. There is no difference in volume regardless of how heavily the key is pressed, so overall volume is controlled by a pedal (also known as a “swell” or “expression” pedal). The keys on each manual have a lightweight action, which allows players to perform rapid passages more easily than on a piano. In contrast to piano and pipe organ keys, Hammond keys have a flat-front profile, commonly referred to as “waterfall” style. Early Hammond console models had sharp edges, but starting with the B-2 these were rounded, as they were cheaper to manufacture. The M series of spinets also had waterfall keys (which has subsequently made them ideal for spares on B-3s and C-3s), but later models had “diving board” style keys which resembled those found on a church organ. Modern Hammond-Suzuki models use waterfall keys.

Hammond console organs come with a wooden pedalboard played with the feet, for bass notes. Most Hammond pedalboards have 25 notes, with the top note a middle C, because Hammond found that on traditional 32-note pedalboards used in churches, the top seven notes were seldom used. The Hammond Concert models E, RT, RT-2, RT-3 and D-100 had 32-note American Guild of Organists (AGO) pedalboards going up to the G above middle C as the top note. The RT-2, RT-3 and D-100 also contained a separate solo pedal system that had its own volume control and various other features. Spinet models had 12- or 13-note miniature pedalboards with stamped steel pedals.

drawbar_overviewThe sound on a tonewheel Hammond organ is varied through the manipulation of drawbars. A drawbar is a metal slider that controls the volume of a particular sound component, in a similar way to a fader on an audio mixing board. As a drawbar is incrementally pulled out, it increases the volume of its sound. When pushed all the way in, the volume is decreased to zero.

The labeling of the drawbar derives from the stop system in pipe organs, in which the physical length of the pipe corresponds to the pitch produced. Most Hammonds contain nine drawbars per manual. The drawbar marked “8′” generates the fundamental of the note being played, the drawbar marked “16′” is an octave below, and the drawbars marked “4′”, “2′” and “1′” are one, two and three octaves above respectively. The other drawbars generate various subharmonics of the note. While each individual drawbar generates a relatively pure sound similar to a flute or electronic oscillator, more complex sounds can be created by mixing the drawbars in varying amounts. Some spinet models do not include the two subharmonic drawbars on the lower manual.

Some drawbar settings have become well known and associated with certain musicians. A very popular setting is 888000000 (i.e., with the drawbars labelled “16′”, “51/3′” and “8′” fully pulled out), and has been identified as the “classic” Jimmy Smith sound.

730px-Hammond-drawbars-plain.svgIn addition to drawbars, many Hammond tonewheel organ models also include presets, which make predefined drawbar combinations available at the press of a button. Console organs have one octave of reverse colored keys (naturals are black, sharps and flats are white) to the left of each manual, with each key activating a preset; the far left key (C), also known as the cancel key, de-activates all presets, and results in no sound coming from that manual. The two right-most preset keys (B and B♭) activate the corresponding set of drawbars for that manual, while the other preset keys produce preselected drawbar settings that are internally wired into the preset panel. Presets can be changed by rerouting the associated color-coded wires on the rear of the organ. Some spinet models have flip tabs for presets situated above the manuals.

Hammond organs have a built-in vibrato effect that provides a small variation in pitch while a note is being played, and a chorus effect where a note’s sound is combined with another sound at a slightly different and varying pitch. The best known vibrato and chorus system consists of six settings, V1, V2, V3, C1, C2 and C3 (i.e., 3 vibrato and 3 chorus), which can be selected via a rotary switch. Vibrato / chorus can be selected for each manual independently.

hammonddrawbarsThe B-3 and C-3 models introduced the concept of “Harmonic Percussion”, which was designed to emulate the percussive sounds of the harp, xylophone and marimba. When selected, this feature plays a decaying second- or third-harmonic overtone when a key is pressed. The selected percussion harmonic fades out, leaving the sustained tones the player selected with the drawbars. The volume of this percussive effect is selectable as either Normal or Soft. Harmonic Percussion retriggers only after all notes have been released, so legato passages sound the effect only on the very first note or chord, making Harmonic Percussion uniquely a “single-trigger, polyphonic” effect

Before a Hammond organ can produce sound, the motor that drives the tonewheels must come up to speed. On most models, starting a Hammond organ involves two switches. The “Start” switch turns a dedicated starter motor, which must run for about 12 seconds. Then, the “Run” switch is turned on for about four seconds. The “Start” switch is then released, whereupon the organ is ready to generate sound. The H-100 and E-series consoles and L-100 and T-100 spinet organs, however, had a self-starting motor that required only a single “On” switch.

It is possible to create a pitch bend on the Hammond organ by turning the “Run” switch off and on again. This briefly cuts power to the generators, causing them to run at a slower pace and generate a lower pitch for a short time. Hammond’s New B3 contains similar switches to emulate this effect, though it is a digital instrument.

F8zdz3nWFbQrwdkg5STdWEh57sDn3GpQR16gCDgD18yQBdWK5D3825kDbdXTbYpZBMany players prefer to play the Hammond through a rotating speaker cabinet known, after several name changes, as a Leslie speaker, after its inventor Donald J. Leslie. The Leslie system is an integrated speaker/amplifier combination in which sound is emitted by a rotating horn over a stationary treble compression driver, and a rotating baffle beneath a stationary bass woofer. This creates a characteristic sound because of the constantly changing pitch shifts that result from the Doppler effect created by the moving sound sources.

The Leslie was originally designed to mimic the complex tones and constantly shifting sources of sound emanating from a large group of ranks in a pipe organ. The effect varies depending on the speed of the rotors, which can be toggled between fast (tremolo) and slow (chorale) using a console or pedal switch, with the most distinctive effect occurring as the speaker rotation speed changes. The most popular Leslies were the 122, which accepted a balanced signal suitable for console organs, and the 147, which accepted an unbalanced signal and could be used for spinet organs with a suitable adapter. The Pro-Line series of Leslies which were made to be portable for gigging bands using solid-state amps were popular during the 1970s.

Lesliebox_AnimationLeslie initially tried to sell his invention to Hammond, but Laurens Hammond was unimpressed and declined to purchase it. Hammond modified their interface connectors to be “Leslie-proof”, but Leslie quickly engineered a workaround. The Leslie company was sold to CBS in 1965 and was finally bought by Hammond in 1980. Hammond-Suzuki acquired the rights to Leslie in 1992; the company currently markets a variety of speakers under this name. As well as faithful reissues of the original 122 speaker, the company announced in 2013 that they would start manufacturing a standalone Leslie simulator in a stomp box.

Early customers of the Hammond included Dr. Albert Schweitzer, Henry Ford, Eleanor Roosevelt and George Gershwin. The instrument was not initially favored by classical organ purists, because the tones of two notes an octave apart were in exact synchronization, as opposed to the slight variation present on a pipe organ. However, the instrument did gradually become popular with jazz players. One of the first notable performers to use the Hammond organ was Ethel Smith, who was known as the “first lady of the Hammond Organ”. Fats Waller and Count Basie also started using the Hammond. Organist John Medeski thinks the Hammond became “the poor man’s big band”, but because of that, it became more economical to book organ trios.

Keith Emerson
Keith Emerson

Jimmy Smith became a notable user of the Hammond in the 1950s, particularly in his sessions for the Blue Note label between 1956 and 1963. He eschewed a bass player, and played all the bass parts himself using the pedals, generally using a walking bassline on the pedals in combination with percussive left hand chords. His trio format, composed of organ, guitar and drums, became internationally famous following an appearance at the Newport Jazz Festival in 1957. Medeski says musicians “were inspired when they heard Jimmy Smith’s records.” “Brother” Jack McDuff switched from piano to Hammond in 1959, and toured regularly throughout the 1960s and 70s. Keith Emerson was inspired to take up the Hammond by hearing McDuff’s arrangement of “Rock Candy”.
Booker T Jones is cited as being the bridge from rhythm and blues to rock. British organist James Taylor said the Hammond “became popular [in the UK] when people such as Booker T & The MGs and artists on the Stax Records label came over to London and played gigs.” Matthew Fisher first encountered the Hammond in 1966 having heard the Small Faces’ Ian McLagan playing one. When Fisher asked if he could play it, McLagan told him “They’re yelling out for Hammond players; why don’t you go out and buy one for yourself?”  Fisher went on to play the organ lines on Procol Harum’s A Whiter Shade Of Pale, which topped the UK charts in the summer of 1967. Steve Winwood started his musical career with the Spencer Davis Group playing guitar and piano, but he switched to Hammond when he hired one to record “Gimme Some Lovin'”.

Gregg Allman
Gregg Allman

Gregg Allman became interested in the Hammond after Mike Finnigan had introduced him to Jimmy Smith’s music, and started to write material with it. His brother Duane specifically requested he play the instrument when forming the Allman Brothers Band, and he was presented with a brand new B-3 and Leslie 122RV upon joining. Allman recalls the instrument was cumbersome to transport, particularly on flights of stairs, which often required the whole band’s assistance. Author Frank Moriarty considers Allman’s Hammond playing a vital ingredient of the band’s sound.

Jon Lord
Jon Lord

Deep Purple’s Jon Lord became inspired to play the Hammond after hearing Jimmy Smith’s “Walk on the Wild Side”. He modified his Hammond so it could be played through a Marshall stack to get a growling, overdriven sound, which became known as his trademark and he is strongly identified with it. This organ was later acquired by Joey DeFrancesco. Van der Graaf Generator’s Hugh Banton modified his Hammond E-100 extensively with customised electronics, including the ability to put effects such as distortion on one manual but not the other, and rewiring the motor. The modifications created, in Banton’s own words, “unimaginable sonic chaos.”

 

Rick Wright
Rick Wright

The Hammond was a key instrument in progressive rock music. Author Edward Macan thinks this is because of its versatility, allowing both chords and lead lines to be played, and a choice between quiet and clean, and what Emerson described as a “tacky, aggressive, almost distorted, angry sound.” Emerson first found commercial success with the Nice, with whom he used and abused an L-100, putting knives in the instrument, setting fire to it, playing it upside down, or riding it across stage in the manner of a horse. He continued to play the instrument in this manner alongside other keyboards in Emerson, Lake and Palmer. Other prominent Hammond organists in progressive rock include the Zombies’ and Argent’s Rod Argent, Yes’s Tony Kaye and Rick Wakeman, Focus’s Thijs van Leer, Uriah Heep’s Ken Hensley, Pink Floyd’s Rick Wright, Kansas’s Steve Walsh, and Genesis’s Tony Banks. Banks later claimed he only used the Hammond because a piano was impractical to transport to gigs.

Winston Wright
Winston Wright

Ska and reggae music made frequent use of the Hammond throughout the 1960s and ’70s. Junior Marvin started to play the instrument after hearing Booker T & The MGs’ “Green Onions”, although he complained about its weight. Winston Wright was regarded in the music scene of Jamaica as one of the best organ players, and used the Hammond when performing live with Toots and the Maytals, as well as playing it on sessions with Lee “Scratch” Perry, Jimmy Cliff and Gregory Isaacs. Tyrone Downie, best known as Bob Marley & The Wailers’ keyboard player, made prominent use of the Hammond on “No Woman, No Cry”, as recorded at the Lyceum Theatre, London, for the album Live!

 

Dave Greenfield
Dave Greenfield

The Hammond organ was perceived as outdated by the late 1970s, particularly in the UK, where it was often used to perform pop songs in social clubs. Punk and New Wave bands tended to prefer second-hand combo organs from the 1960s, or use no keyboards at all. Other groups started taking advantage of cheaper and more portable synthesizers that were starting to come onto the market. The Stranglers’ Dave Greenfield was a notable exception to this, and used a Hammond onstage during the band’s early career. Andy Thompson, better known for being an aficionado of the Mellotron, stated that “the Hammond never really went away. There are a lot of studios that have had a B-3 or C-3 sitting away in there since the 70s.” The instrument underwent a brief renaissance in the 1980s with the mod revival movement. Taylor played the Hammond through the 1980s, first with the Prisoners and later with the James Taylor Quartet. The sound of the Hammond made an appearance in hip-hop music, albeit mostly via samples. A notable exception was the Beastie Boys‘ “So What’cha Want”, where it was mixed into the foreground.

Jazz musicians continued to use Hammond organs into the 21st century. Barbara Dennerlein has received critical acclaim for her performances on the Hammond, particularly her use of the bass pedals, and has modified the instrument to include samplers triggered by the pedals.  Joey DeFrancesco embraced the instrument during the 1990s, and later collaborated with Jimmy Smith. He is positive about the future of the Hammond organ, saying “Everybody loves it. It makes you feel good … I think it’s bigger now than ever.”

KARN EVIL 9 by EMMERSON, LAKE, & PALMER

 


Filed under: 1950s, 1960s, 1970s, 1980s, 1990s, 2000s, 420, crazy, fuck 'n right, fuzznastics, Gear, Organ Sound, rock Tagged: Hammond Organ, jazz organ, Leslie speakers, organ sound, progressive rock, reggae organ, rock and roll

IDIOT OF THE WEEK: GENE SIMMONS (AGAIN)

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(Okay, so he’s at it again.  Gene Simmons may make some good points in his latest barrage against music fans, because yes the environment is nowhere near what it was 40 years ago when this fossil was making his records, but like any other time in history – shit changes man.  Yes, the advent of pay-streaming sites like Spotify make it hard for the small record shop to stay alive, but get over it.  Technology changes everything.  If people end up hating having access to all of the records they want without having to own them, then the market will dictate what happens next.  For now, people are loving it.  Yes, it sucks for my pals who own record shops, but big grocery stores killed the local butcher shops and markets way back when, and the world didn’t whine about that when it happened.  Folks like Gene Simmons are not stupid, and they make their money by gouging people at the concert hall, either with their $300 ticket prices or their $100 t-shirts and $5 bottles of water.  And Gene, the record companies are fucking idiots too – the comeback of vinyl sales is saving their asses, but instead of embracing the fan, they take advantage and raise the fucking prices.  Now, if you want a new release on vinyl, you pay almost $30 for it when the iTunes album is $9.99 and streaming services are cheaper than that.  So, when the economy is in the shitter, but you still want to listen to music, it’s very hard to justify buying that piece of vinyl – even when you fucking love the stuff as much as I do.  So, Gene, no, the record companies aren’t the fucking saviors here, they’re still the greedy fucks they’ve always been.  Except now, they’re also as fucking stupid as you are, because they will kill the last thing that is saving their industry.  Fans of music need to be economically sound with their purchases.  Not everyone can spend like an art collector.  Yes, file sharing sucks and something should be done about it, but file-streaming may be the way of the future.  Get used to it.  Better yet, just fuck off and quit – you haven’t made a good record in 20 years.  Here’s an article from ultimateclassicrock.com that spells out how Gene Simmons is (yet again) our Fucking Idiot of the Week. – FATS)

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Gene SimmonsIn 1977, Nick Lowe recorded a song called, “I Love My Label,” an ironic dig at those who “never talk behind my back and they’re always playing my new tracks when I come along.” Gene Simmons, on the other hand, wasn’t being sarcastic when he praised them in a recent interview.
Speaking to Planet Rock in advance of their set at last week’s Download Festival, he said record companies “gave bands money that they never had to pay back — ever! If the band failed and the records were a complete disaster, the advance money was all theirs. What other business would give you that? If you go to a bank and they give you a million dollars, and your business goes under, they don’t care it failed; they want their money back.”
He continued by calling labels “a gift from heaven. Yeah, they’re greedy, they’re this… but they wanna make money just like you do. But they gave you money — millions! And if it wasn’t for record companies, there’d be no Sex Pistols, there’d be no punk, there’d be no nothing. There would be punk, but it would be in a small club. It would never become huge.”

 

These are your music fans, Gene.  Are they killing the music industry too?  Hmmm.
These are your music fans, Gene. Are they killing the music industry too? Hmmm.

So who does Simmons feel is responsible for the decline of the music industry? “I blame the fans. Because the fans have decided en masse — in other words, the masses have decided — that they should get free music, download, fileshare […] You’re killing the next Elvis [Presley] and the Beatles and the next Kiss and the next whoever, because you have to give your music away for free […] It’s disappointing, because they would prefer not to support a new band […] It affects the next great band, who won’t have a chance. Why? Because the talent isn’t out there? It sure is. The fans killed it. They killed the infrastructure.”
He said that Kiss are exempt from the current model because “we’ve been around a long time and we make a good living.”

GENE SIMMONS – THE FANS KILLED THE RECORD INDUSTRY


Filed under: 2000s, ARG!, crazy, FUCKING IDIOT, music business, Music News, rock Tagged: blame the fans, Gene Simmons, Idiot of the Week, music industry decline, what is killing the music industry?

SongoftheDay: HUSH by DEEP PURPLE

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SongoftheDay: HUSH by DEEP PURPLE

 

Hush” is a song written by American composer and musician Joe South, for recording artist Billy Joe Royal, whose single peaked at number 52 on the Billboard Hot 100 on 28 October – 11 November 1967. The chorus begins “Hush, hush, I thought I heard her calling my name”, which is a takeoff from the traditional gospel song lyrics “Hush, hush, somebody’s calling my name”. Kris Ife covered “Hush” in 1967. Australian performer Russell Morris recorded a version in 1967 with Somebody’s Image, and a heavier version with his band The Rubes in 1980. The hook of the song “na-nana-na-nana-na-nana-na” has similarity with the bridge section of The Beatles song A Day in the Life. The Deep Purple version has a slower section also matching the timing with The Beatles song.

deeppurple2The song was subsequently recorded by British hard rock band Deep Purple for their 1968 debut album Shades of Deep Purple. The track became the group’s first hit single peaking at number 4 on the Hot 100 on 21–28 September 1968 and number 2 in Canada while going largely unnoticed in the United Kingdom. A live, US-televised version of “Hush” appeared as a bonus track on the 2000 CD-reissue of the Shades of Deep Purple album.

In celebration of the band’s 20th anniversary, Deep Purple re-recorded the song in 1988 for their album Nobody’s Perfect. The track was released as a single and reached number 62 on the UK singles chart and number 44 on the US Hot Mainstream Rock chart.

“Hush” is one of four songs originally recorded with vocals sung by Rod Evans that the band have performed with Ian Gillan on vocals later on. Others are “Kentucky Woman”, originally from the album The Book of Taliesyn from 1968, “Mandrake Root” from the same album that originally featured “Hush”, and “Bird Has Flown” from the album Deep Purple, or Deep Purple III, released in 1969.


Filed under: 1960s, 420, British, crazy, fuck 'n right, fuzznastics, guitar, Organ Sound, rock, SongoftheDay Tagged: Deep Purple, Hush, Joe South, Shades of Deep Purple, songoftheday

TUESDAY CLASSIC GIG POSTER

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Few bands have blow me away like GrimSkunk did.  Their live shows are intense, yet soothing and trippy at the same time.  One minute there is a full-on circle pit raging, then without warning you are setting off into a transcendental trance of multilingual space rock.  Each member of the band is well versed in their craft, and each brings their own essence to the live show.  Do yourself a favor – see this band.  Here’s a great poster from back in 2000.  Love the artwork on this one.  Oh yeah, make sure you’re rolled-and-ready for these guys; the cheeb really helps the experience.  – FATS


Filed under: 1990s, 2000s, 420, Canadian, crazy, fuck 'n right, fuzznastics, Gibbled, Gig Posters, guitar, Independent Music, live music, Metal, punk rawk, rock Tagged: Classic Gig Posters, GrimSkunk, live music, show posters

NEWS: Heavy Metal Increases Positive Emotions & Reduces Stress, Australian Study Finds

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(As a kid, I would have the greatest naps on the couch listening to thrash metal.  I always thought that it was because the riffs were so powerful that they tuckered me out.  Now, it seems that studies are being done of the positive benefits of heavy metal music when it comes to stress levels and anxiety.  Here’s an article we found, written by Tom Williams of Australia for musicfeeds.com.au.  An interesting read indeed. – FATS)

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In need of some chill-out time or hoping to become the master of your emotions? A new study by The University of Queensland has found that extreme music such as heavy metal can reduce stress, increase positive emotions and even regulate sadness and anger.

28969A research paper by The University of Queensland School of Psychology honours students Leah Sharman and Dr Genevieve Dingle, titled “Extreme metal music and anger processing”, has found that listeners of extreme music were inspired and calmed by their tunes, which conflicts with findings from previous studies that linked loud music with aggression and delinquency.

“When experiencing anger, extreme music fans liked to listen to music that could match their anger,” Ms Sharman has said. “The music helped them explore the full gamut of emotion they felt, but also left them feeling more active and inspired.”

Ms Sharman and Dr Dingle’s study involved 39 subjects aged 18-24 who regularly enjoy “extreme music”. The participants were monitored after a 16-minute “anger induction” session during which they described angering events in their lives, before spending 10 minutes listening to songs of their choice, followed by 10 minutes of silence.

big_thumb_4d5f5795b97a572f9d206c881b59417eMonitoring of the subjects showed that levels of irritability, hostility and stress decreased after the extreme music was introduced, and that the subjects saw a significant increase in the level of inspiration they felt.

So what were the participants listening to? According to an analysis of their selected tracks, there were various metal sub-genres as well as pop-punk and post-hardcore, including bands like Parkway Drive, Slipknot, Metallica, Judas Priest, System Of A Down and Manowar. The full list of tracks can be viewed below.

“It was interesting that half of the chosen songs contained themes of anger or aggression, with the remainder containing themes like – though not limited to – isolation and sadness,” Ms Sharman said.

tumblr_mo10ljK4YJ1rf2ygfo1_500“Yet participants reported they used music to enhance their happiness, immerse themselves in feelings of love and enhance their well-being.”
Ms Sharman and Dr Dingle’s “Extreme metal music and anger processing” research paper can be read in full at the Frontiers in Human Neuroscience website.

 


Filed under: 2000s, 420, crazy, fuck 'n right, hair metal, Metal, Music News, thrash metal Tagged: heavy metal health benefits, Heavy Metal relieves stress, stress release through music

SongoftheDay: LOOK AT YOURSELF by URIAH HEEP

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SongoftheDay: LOOK AT YOURSELF by URIAH HEEP

 

uriah-heep-2Uriah Heep are an English rock band formed in London in 1969 and regarded as one of the seminal hard rock acts of the early 1970s who heralded the progressive rock movement of the decade. Uriah Heep’s progressive/art rock/heavy metal fusion’s distinctive features have always included a massive keyboard sound, strong vocal harmonies and (in the early years) David Byron’s quasi-operatic vocals. Twelve of the band’s albums have made it to the UK Albums Chart (Return to Fantasy reached No. 7 in 1975) while of the fifteen Billboard 200 Uriah Heep albums Demons and Wizards was the most successful (#23, 1972). In the late 1970s the band had massive success in Germany, where the “Lady in Black” single was a big hit. Along with Led Zeppelin, Black Sabbath and Deep Purple, Uriah Heep had become one of the top bands in the early 1970s – one of “The Big 4″ of hard rock.

Uriah Heep’s audience declined by the 1980s, to the point where they became essentially a cult band in the United Kingdom and United States. The band maintains a significant following and performs at arena-sized venues in the Balkans, Germany, Japan, the Netherlands, Russia and Scandinavia. They have sold over 40 million albums worldwide with over 4 million sales in the U.S.


Filed under: 420, crazy, fuck 'n right, fuzznastics, guitar, SongoftheDay Tagged: Look at Yourself, organ rock, songoftheday, Uriah Heep

RECIPE: RED CURRY PORK TENDERLOIN WITH BUTTERNUT SQUASH

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(I had the chance to make this recipe a few weeks back, and sweet mamma she was tasty.  The squash with the spices is worth the price of admission alone.  The tenderloin was so juicy and tender, and just enough kick to make it perfect.  The coconut jasmine rice is great, but we did it with a salad and it was fantastic as well.  A nice, easy meal for those hot summer night. – FATS)

grilledporktenderloinglazedIngredients

  • 2 lemongrass stalks
  • 2 shallots, chopped
  • 1 red finger hot pepper, seeded and chopped
  • 3 tbsp (45 mL) vegetable oil
  • 2 tbsp (30 mL) grated fresh ginger
  • 2 cloves garlic, chopped
  • 4 tsp (18 mL) packed brown sugar
  • 1 tbsp (15 mL) fish sauce
  • 1 small butternut squash, (about 650 g) peeled, seeded and cut in generous 1/2-inch (1 cm) chunks
  • 1 pork tenderloin, (about 550 g), trimmed
  • 1/4 tsp (1 mL) salt

Preparation

Cut off woody ends of lemongrass and peel off tough outer layers; grate lemongrass. In food processor, purée together 1/4 cup water, lemongrass, shallots, hot pepper, 2 tbsp of the oil, the ginger, garlic, brown sugar and fish sauce to make smooth paste.

Toss half of the curry paste with squash to coat; rub remainder over pork to coat. Season each with half of the salt.

Arrange squash on parchment paper– lined rimmed baking sheet. Roast in 425 F (220 C) oven for 10 minutes.

Meanwhile, in nonstick skillet, heat remaining oil over medium-high heat; brown pork all over. Move squash to one side of baking sheet; add pork to other side. Roast until juices run clear when pork is pierced and just a hint of pink remains inside, about 20 minutes.

Coconut Ginger Rice
In saucepan, heat 2 tsp vegetable oil over medium heat; cook 1 tbsp minced fresh ginger, stirring, until fragrant, about 2 minutes. Stir in 1 cup each water and coconut milk, and 1/4 tsp salt; bring to boil. Stir in 1 cup jasmine rice; reduce heat, cover and simmer until rice is tender and no liquid remains, about 15 minutes. Remove from heat; let stand, covered, for 5 minutes. Fluff with fork.


Filed under: 420, fuck 'n right, recipes Tagged: Curry Pork Tenderloin recipe, food recipes, pork recipes

HEAD ON A SWIVEL with JP Sadek: GLEE FOR THE FREAK SHOW

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mma_sd_emelianenko_576In all my years of watching unarmed combat, I’ve always relished freak show fights. I watched, with glee, Fedor Emelianenko, arguably the best heavyweight to put on 4 oz. gloves, pound a 300+-pound Brazilian who went by the moniker “Zuluzhino” into the ground in 28 seconds. I followed every round of Dream’s “Super Hulk” tournament, which featured the surreal moment of José fucking Canseco being walked to the ring in the Saitama Super Arena by his girlfriend, carrying a baseball bat, to be sacrificed to living goliath Hong Man Choi. But this weekend, my love of the intentionally horrible mismatch may have come to an end, for two reasons: the first was the debacle of the Ken Shamrock vs. Kimbo Slice “fight”, and the other was the UFC women’s straw-weight title matchup between Jessica Penne and Joanna Jedrejczyk.
KimboVsKen.0.0Let’s get the most egregious offender out of the way. Kimbo-Shamrock was a fucking work. Lesser learned enthusiasts of pugilism might not recognize this word. A work is a fight with a predetermined outcome, which is exactly what we saw on Friday night. Sure, Ken got cracked wide open by a larger, younger and stronger opponent. But there’s no reason that needed to happen. For some reason that far escapes me, the entire MMA media stood by until the week before the fight and then collectively barfed up this weird amalgam between outrage and acceptance that we were going to let a geriatric cripple step into the ring and suffer ungodly head trauma for our entertainment. So even if the fight wasn’t a traditional work, even if Shamrock didn’t finish sinking in the choke on purpose, and let Kimbo “gain position” a little too easily, the outcome was predetermined. Then, like a bunch of assholes, we watched it happen.
139_Carla_Esparza_vs_Joanna_Jedrzejczyk.0.0The UFC’s women’s straw-weight division, on the other hand, is an even more ambiguous issue. At the top of the heap, you have a beast of a champion in Jedrejczyk, who has been viciously clearing out her division, and what seems like an insurmountable talent gap between her and the closest challengers. Is it her fault? Absolutely not; but her opponents don’t deserve the absolute shellacking they’re set up for. I’d argue that the UFC’s scouting in this case is subpar, that they’re valuing women who can promote a fight thanks to their looks and make it onto a reality TV show vs. actually doing their fucking job and checking out markets where smaller fighters are in the majority! In the immortal words of David Gardner: Hello, Japan! Yes, Jessica Penne may have been “game as fuck” (thanks, Joe Rogan), but she should never have been in there in the first place, and she’ll never be the same as a result.
The only problem with this is that I’m preaching morality in a sport that is dominated by two things: brutality and profit. Regulatory bodies routinely cave to the desires of the promoters that feed them, and the media that covers the sport cowers in fear of seeing their credentials revoked. So, good luck getting any kind of change through that fucking crowd. – JP


Filed under: 2000s, ARG!, crazy, fuck 'n right, HEAD ON A SWIVEL, MMA, sports Tagged: Fedor Emelianenko, HEAD ON A SWIVEL with JP Sadek, Jedrejczyk, Kimbo-Shamrock, MMA

FEATURE: JON LORD – Dear Lord that Hammond/Leslie sounds mean through that Marshall

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(He is the master of all masters with that thing.  There have been a few acts with that heavy Hammond sound, but nothing like Deep Purple growls that tone; the true definition of bowel quaking.  That Leslie cabinet/Marshall combination sent bowel quaking growls through the stage into the belly of the beast, laying waste to millions of rock fans over the years.  Jon Lord is the master blaster when it comes to Hammond organ and rock and roll.  He are some fine words we found about this legendary rocker, as well as some sweet footage of live performances from Deep Purple, and that classic Whitesnake video with the nice lady on the hood of the car.  Wicked.  We lost Jon Lord in 2012, and as far as I’m concerned, whatever Deep Purple thinks they are touring with these days can never be the real deal as far as I’m concerned.  That band died with its organist and founder in 2012. – FATS)

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Founder member of Deep Purple, Jon Lord was born in Leicester. He began playing piano aged 6, studying classical music until leaving school at 17 to become a Solicitor’s clerk. Initially leaning towards the theatre, Jon moved to London in 1960 and trained at the Central School of Speech and Drama, winning a scholarship, and paying for food and lodgings by performing in pubs. In 1963 he broke away from the school with a group of teachers and other students to form the pioneering London Drama Centre.

Jon-Lord-with-Deep-Purple-in-concert-1973Also in 1963, Jon joined Red Blood and his Bluesicians and acquired his first electric organ. By the next year he occupied the keyboard spot in the seminal Artwoods, led by Art Wood, brother of future Rolling Stone Ronnie Wood. The Artwoods struggled for the next four years, releasing several singles and EPs and a now highly collectible album titled Art Gallery.

During this period, Jon became a much sought after session musician recording with the likes of Elton John, John Mayall, David Bowie, Jeff Beck and The Kinks (eg ‘You Really Got Me’).

In December 1967, Jon met guitarist Richie Blackmore and by early 1968 the pair had formed Deep Purple. The band would pioneer hard rock and go on to sell more than 100 million albums, play live to more than 10 million people, and were recognized in 1972 by The Guinness Book of World Records as “the loudest group in the world”.

Jon LordDeep Purple’s debut LP “Shades of Deep Purple” (1968) generated the American Top 5 smash hit “Hush”. In 1969, singer Ian Gillan and bassist Roger Glover joined and the band’s sound became heaver and more aggressive on “Deep Purple in Rock” (1970), where Jon developed a groundbreaking new way of amplifying the sound of the Hammond organ to match the distinctive sound of the electric guitar. This invention, which included plugging the organ directly into a Marshall amplifier, became Jon’s trademark sound and made him a pioneer in the use of keyboards in hard rock. The album included “Child In Time”. Its opening motif played on Hammond organ soon ensured the track became Jon’s signature tune.

“Machine Head” (1972) was the band’s biggest and most commercially successful album. It features several rock classics including “Smoke on the Water”, “Highway Star” and “Lazy” all co-written by Jon.

HIGHWAY STAR by DEEP PURPLE

 

During Deep Purple’s early years, Jon wrote several large scale works for orchestra and rock group including “Concerto for Group and Orchestra” which was premiered, filmed and recorded live at the Royal Albert Hall with Deep Purple and the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra conducted by Sir Malcolm Arnold in September of 1969.

“Gemini Suite” is a 1970 commission from the BBC, which was recorded with the London Symphonic Orchestra again conducted by Arnold, and “Windows” is a 1974 project co-written with conductor Eberhard Shoerner for the Prix Jeunesse in Munich and broadcast live by several European TV-stations.

1. Jon Lord1975’s “Sarabande” recorded with the Philharmonia Hungarica, conducted by Eberhard Schoerner (with Andy Summers from The Police on guitar) became one of Jon’s most celebrated works with its Eastern tinged and melodic rhythms.

When Deep Purple split in 1976, Jon formed Paice Ashton Lord with drummer Ian Paice and old friend and keyboard player Tony Ashton. They based the band around the two keyboard players and a horn section. However, it was short-lived and only managed one album, “Malice In Wonderland” (1977).

In 1978, Jon joined Whitesnake, adding Hammond organ to the band’s then finished debut album Trouble and staying with the band until 1984. Often referring to Whitesnake as his day job, Jon felt he was largely adding colour (or, in his own words, a ‘halo‘) to round out their blues-rock sound.

Whitesnake became one of UK’s and Europe’s most popular bands, touring extensively on the back of record selling albums and singles, and also gaining great success in Japan. Between 1980 and 1983 a number of Whitesnake’s singles entered the UK charts, regularly taking the now 40-something Jon onto Top of the Pops. He later expressed frustration that the band was not his most creative outlet and this dissatisfaction eventually smoothed the way for the reformation of Deep Purple Mk II. Jon’s last Whitesnake concert was on Sweden’s TV show Mandagsborsen on 16 April 1984.

During his tenure in Whitesnake, Jon recorded two very different solo albums.

jon-lord-color-vert1982’s “Before I Forget” mixes mainstream rock tracks with very English classical piano ballads sung by Vicki Brown and Sam Brown (wife and daughter of entertainer Joe Brown) and Elmer Gantry. The album features many prominent musicians from Jon’s previous bands and Bad Company, and Jon later picked out “Bach Onto This”, a reworking of Bach’s Toccata as representative of his work at the time.

Jon was also commissioned by Central Television to write the gentle, pastoral soundtrack for the 1984 TV series “Country Diary of an Edwardian Lady”, based on the book by Edith Holden, with orchestra conducted by Alfred Ralston.

During these years, Jon also played on albums by his friends George Harrison (“Gone Troppo“ 1982) and Pink Floyd‘s David Gilmour (“About Face” 1983), Cozy Powell (“Octopuss” 1983), Alvin Lee (“Detroit Diesel” 1986) and in 1985 he made a brief appearance as a member of The Singing Rebel‘s band (which featured Eric Clapton, George Harrison and Ringo Starr) in the film “Water”.

Jon also toured as a member of all-star band Olympic Rock & Blues Circus fronted by Pete York and featuring a rotating line-up of Miller Anderson, Tony Ashton, Brian Auger, Zoot Money, Colin Hodgkinson, Chris Farlowe and others. The band toured primarily in Germany between 1981 and 1989. Lord also took part in Pete York’s TV musical extravaganza Super Drumming between 1987 and 1989.

HERE I GO AGAIN by WHITESNAKE

 

Deep Purple reformed in 1984 with the “Perfect Strangers” album, its title track featuring another stand-out opening motif from Jon’s Hammond, and the band has been recording and touring extensively with great success ever since, as indeed they still do to this day.

Jon’s solo CD “Pictured Within” (1997) showed a return to a more piano-based and gentler style and was released to great critical acclaim. Jon rarely wrote lyrics but he did for the title track and it has developed into a favourite with both his fans and himself. The album was deeply inspired by Jon’s loss of his parents and deals with grief and the feelings connected to loss of loved ones.

hqdefaultIn September 1999, Deep Purple revisited Jon’s “Concerto for Group and Orchestra” on its 30th birthday, performing it with the London Symphony Orchestra conducted by Paul Mann at two sold out Royal Albert Hall concerts, recorded and released on CD and DVD to sales of more than 500,000 copies.

Deep Purple then took the Concerto on a 40-date tour of South America, Europe and Japan with a 70-piece orchestra and guests that included Ronnie James Dio.

But Jon felt he was moving in a different direction. ”By 2001 I was beginning to lose sleep, going around and around with the thought that I couldn’t see how to make both things run parallel; that is to stay in Deep Purple and yet have the time to concentrate on and write the kind of music that was more and more in my heart. It was the longest hardest decision of my life, to leave the band I had founded, and had loved for nearly 35 years.”

Jon left Deep Purple after a sold out concert at Ipswich, England on September 19 2002, where the audience chanted his name as the he left the stage. “I’m going to have myself a long and vibrant solo career,” Jon said that night, as he set his sights on fulfilling that promise.

Jon lord piano2_0He wanted to focus on his writing and play his solo works. In 2003, he performed “Concerto for Group and Orchestra” at three consecutive nights at the Sydney Opera House and also visited Perth in Australia, and Luxembourg and Norway.

Jon’s next solo CD “Beyond The Notes” (2004) featured collaborations with Sam Brown, who wrote most of the lyrics, including “The Sun Will Shine Again”, which Jon had composed for his good friend Anni-Frid Lyngstad (Frida from Abba). She later performed the song with Jon on German ZDF television. Elsewhere the album also included “De Profundis”, Jon’s musical homage to his years with Deep Purple as well as tributes to his late friends Tony Ashton and George Harrison.

Jon’s piano concerto “Boom of The Tingling Strings” (the title is a line from Piano, a poem by D.H. Lawrence) was performed in Australia and Europe and recorded by EMI Classics with Nelson Goerner (piano) and Paul Mann conducting Denmark’s Odense Symphony Orchestra. Also included on the resulting CD is “Disguises”, a suite for string orchestra. The CD was released in April 2008 and entered the Classic FM Hall of Fame in 2009.

“Durham Concerto” is another full-scale work for orchestra and soloists. It was commissioned by Durham University for its 175th anniversary and was premiered in October 2007 at Durham Cathedral and broadcast live by Classic FM.

jon-lord-corbis-630-80The work was recorded in July 2007 by the Royal Liverpool Philharmonic Orchestra conducted by Mischa Damev, and soloists Matthew Barley (cello), Ruth Palmer (violin), Kathryn Tickell (Northumbrian Small Pipes) and Jon himself on Hammond organ.

In the week of release, the CD made the top 10 in the UK Classical Album Chart and went on to number 3 in the UK New Release Classical Chart. It also made the top 50 in Amazon’s overall pop chart and no. 3 in HMV’s online Classical Chart. Finally, “Durham Concerto” was the highest new entry in Classic FM’s 2009 Hall of Fame (at no.75, while “Boom of the Tingling Strings” made no.198) – an astonishing achievement for two brand new compositions by a living composer.

In March 2010 Jon released “To Notice Such Things”, a suite for solo flute, piano and string orchestra, inspired by the last line of the Thomas Hardy poem “Afterwards”, that Jon’s good friend Sir John Mortimer used to read when doing live appearances (with Jon frequently accompanying him on piano). Sir John Mortimer died in January 2009 and Jon wrote the piece as a memorial to his departed friend. It was again recorded with the Royal Liverpool Philharmonic Orchestra, conducted by Clark Rundell, with the flute played by Cormac Henry. The CD also included “For Example”, Jon’s tribute to Norwegian composer Edward Grieg.

SPACE TRUCKIN’ (LIVE 1973) by DEEP PURPLE

 

Jon continued to perform all over the world with various orchestras and with vocalists Steve Balsamo and Kasia Laska. Between 2008 and 2011, Jon performed at Arts Festivals as diverse as Lichfield and Shipley in the UK to Plovdiv (Bulgaria) and the Virada Cultural Festival (Brazil). His concert schedule included three nights in Adelaide, Australia, numerous concerts in Germany, two tours of Russia, several concerts at Trondheim’s Nidaros Cathedral in Norway, and visits to Korea, Switzerland, Poland among others.

Jon also toured with his friends from the Olympic Rock & Blues Circus, now renamed as Jon Lord Blues Project. In the band were his old friend guitarist and singer Miller Anderson (who sang vocals on “Pictured Within”), bass player and singer Colin Hodgkinson, singer Maggie Bell, keyboard player and singer Zoot Money and singer and drummer Pete York.

maxresdefaultAnd as if that wasn’t enough, Jon also found time to play with Nigel Kennedy, Ian Anderson and Rick Wakeman, and record with Anna Phoebe, Steve Balsamo and Kasia Laska.

In 2011, Jon was honoured by a Fellowship of Stevenson College in Edinburgh – after his work with the university’s students in 2009, and was also made Honorary Doctor of Music by his home-town University of Leicester, which, he said, would have sent his parents “dancing in the streets” with pride.

In 2011, while Jon was putting together a definitive studio recording of his iconic “Concerto For Group and Orchestra”, he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and stopped touring. His last concerts were the Sunflower Jam on July 8 2011 and a performance of “To Notice Such Things” at the Shipley Arts Festival two days later.

jon_lord_by_akeyzerr-d31wevdAbout the new Concerto recording, Jon said: “Over these last years since leaving Deep Purple, I’ve played it over 30 times with different orchestras and conductors all over the world, and, of course, in 2000 I did it well over 30 times with Purple on the Concerto tour, so I’ve been honing the piece live on stage, and I’ve had the opportunity to change things in the score that weren’t sounding quite right. It is therefore a marvelous and exciting prospect to have the definitive recording of the definitive score.” (Jon Lord, May 2012)

The rhythm section, Guy Pratt (Pink Floyd, Madonna) and Brett Morgan (Jon Anderson, Sting), and the Royal Liverpool Philharmonic Orchestra were recorded in Liverpool in June 2011, conducted by Paul Mann. Later that year and during 2012 at Abbey Road studios in London, Iron Maiden‘s Bruce Dickinson and Jon’s regular singers Steve Balsamo and Kasia Laska contributed their vocals, while guitarists Joe Bonamassa, Darin Vasilev and Steve Morse also added their work. Despite his ill heath, Jon oversaw all these recordings in person.

jon_lordOn May 15 2012, as part of a year long celebration of Jon’s classical work, Jon’s “From Darkness To Light“ for choir and orchestra, was performed by the Hagen Philharmonic Orchestra conducted by Florian Ludwig and broadcast live by German WDR radio.

Happily, Jon got to hear both the first ever radio broadcast of “From Darkness To Light” and the finished studio recording of his cherished Concerto before he passed away on July 16 2012. Jon is survived by his wife Vicky, and daughters Amy and Sara.

 


Filed under: 1960s, 1970s, 1980s, 1990s, 2000s, 420, 70s rock, British, classic rock, crazy, fuck'n right, fuzznastics, Garage Rock, Gear, Legend, Organ Sound Tagged: big organ rock, Deep Purple, Hammond Organ, Jon Lord, rock legend, rock organ, UK rock, Whitesnake

GREAT SHOW ALERT: GRAVEYARD in GÄVLE, SWEDEN

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060515-getaway-rock-festival-2015Yes, Rob Zombie is playing this thing.  Yes, Status Quo is playing this thing.  But, fuck that.  The best band to come out of Sweden in a very long time is Graveyard, and they will be here, on home turf, laying waste to the competition.  What kills me, is the low ranking of Sepultura.  Maybe it’s been like 25 years since I listened to that band, and maybe they ain’t what they used to be, and heck, maybe Swedish people just dig Accept more than Sepultura, but I think legends of metal like that need a higher ranking that the fine print.  Regardless, Graveyard is going to steal the show from all of them  My wife doesn’t dig much of the heavy bands I do, but she sure does like her some Graveyard, and is probably more excited about news of new album this fall then I am.  This looks like a great day of metal for the folks in Gavle.  Giv’r. – FATS

WHERE: GÄVLE, SWEDEN

WHEN: AUGUST 6-AUGUST 8, 2015

HOW MUCH: 1490 SEK

GET MORE INFO HERE.


Filed under: 2000s, 420, crazy, Doom Metal, Europe, fuck 'n right, fuzznastics, Gig Posters, guitar, live music, live performance, Metal, rock, Sweden Tagged: Gavle Sweden, Getaway Rock Festival, Graveyard, Rob Zombie, rock festivals, Sweden

SongoftheDay: HOPE YOU’RE FEELING BETTER (LIVE 1970) by SANTANA

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SongoftheDay: HOPE YOU’RE FEELING BETTER (LIVE 1970) by SANTANA

 

rolieWhen I saw the classicrock.com top 10 list of organ songs I was actually quite upset that this song was nowhere on this list.  Yes, it might not be the best organ song of all time, but listen to that thing – it’s heavy and everywhere in this track.  It might be the fact that Santana isn’t all that known for organ in his music, and the list had room for only 10 tracks, but again, listen to that thing.  Gregg Rolie‘s opening riff is as fat and heavy as anything Jon Lord ever pulled off.  Anyway, it’s one of my favorite organ tracks of all time and easily makes the SongoftheDay list for organ week. – FATS

 


Filed under: 1960s, 1970s, 420, 70s rock, Album Art, Americana, crazy, fuck 'n right, fuzznastics, Gear, Organ Sound, rock, SongoftheDay Tagged: Gregg Rolie, Hammond Organ, Hope Your're Feeling Better, organ rock, Santana

GREAT SHOW ALERT: GRIMSKUNK in EDMUNDSTON, NB

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maxresdefault (1)Perennial road horses GrimSkunk are out in support of their latest effort Set Fire, and are playing a free (gratuit) show in Edmundston, New Brunswick, Canada on July 11th, 2015.  Now, to see GrimSkunk at all is a pleasure, but to see them perform live for free – now that’s a no-brainer.  If you live anywhere near Edmundston and you like heavy music, you are an idiot if you miss this.  I wish I was there.  Here’s a great smasher from that latest record.

SET FIRE TO THE NATION by GRIMSKUNK

 

WHERE: Le Vieux Poele, 174, boulevard Hébert, EDMUNDSTON, NB

WHEN: JULY 11, 2015

HOW MUCH: GRATUIT! (FREE)

YOU CAN GRAB THIS GREAT RECORD HERE!

 


Filed under: 2000s, 420, Canadian, crazy, French, fuck 'n right, fuzznastics, guitar, Independent Music, live music, live performance, new music, Organ Sound, Political Music, punk rawk, rock, stoner rock Tagged: Edmundston NB, GrimSkunk, GrimSkunk Set Fire, Le Vieux Poele, live music

NEWS: IS ROCK AND ROLL THE ULTIMATE ANTIDOTE TO AGING?

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(As someone getting older by the second and feeling it, it would be awesome if all the music I listen to was doing something to curb my aging.  “Dad Rock” is a pretty dumb name for some of the best music ever made, but if it was the times are telling us, then we need to pay attention to the next generation and their vernacular.  Anyway, here’s a great article on the subject by Chris Corbett over at huffingtonpost.com on the subject of rock and roll as an antidote to aging. – FATS

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Blog_BabyBoomerRock_600A few weeks ago I was visiting a friend in Los Angeles who had recently retired after a lifetime of working in the music industry. Before my visit I had spotted her in a documentary film about an iconic recording session in the 1980s with some of the top names in the business. When we met for coffee, I complemented her on how she hadn’t changed since then. After comparing notes on old friends, the decline of society and our current situations we agreed that rock music was still a vital element in our lives and how the music managed to transcend generations. And more importantly, it had the quality to keep us young.

A recent article in the Huffington Post illustrated how musical tastes become fixed by the time one reaches the end of their twenties. Which for a lot of the older public means that bands like Led Zeppelin and the Rolling Stones are the musical markers from their youth. There is now even a whole genre of music and a weekly radio show called ‘dad rock’ to deliver to these fans the music they want to hear. With a label like that, Generation X, Y and Z are sometimes turned off as it implies easy listening, parental values and people stuck in the past, but in fact, the music appears on their iDevice playlists nonetheless.

610-AARP-radioSo if ones music tastes are fixed in their twenties, does that mean every time you hear a song from that stage in your life those memory cells are activated? Do our thoughts turn to more simple times and our DNA tingles with a youthful charge? Is the mental flexibility and openness of our youth reawakened, while the idealistic values of those times are remembered?
And for today’s generation — do they find the music interesting, antique or somehow relevant the same way a generation ago, jazz music held a certain magic but is now quasi-classic?

In contemporary music there is a lot of awareness of songs from the dad generation in the sampling of snippets of songs from the 70s and 80s. Artists like Puff Daddy (or whatever incarnation he goes by now) won a Grammy award with a song borrowing from that 80’s band the Police, with I’ll Be Missing You. Even Pharrell Wiliams number one song Blurred Lines had to recently pay millions in royalties for appropriating from a Marvin Gaye song from the 70’s. And one of my favorites homages to old time rock and roll is Kid Rock’s summer anthem All Summer Long where he uses two songs from the ’70s, starting with Werewolves in London and morphing into Sweet Home Alabama.

hearing aid2In my novel Coast Highway, a Romeo and Juliet story set in the 1970s Silicon Valley (released this fall), I reference sixty-two different bands and songs, which I have turned into Spotify and YouTube playlists. Trolling through all the versions of songs, concert footage and MTV videos from those times was a nostalgic trip for me down memory lane that put a smile on my face. Some of the videos were so campy you would think they were a Saturday Night Live comedy act, when in fact it was the style of the times. And this summer a lot of fashion houses are pushing hippie couture complete with bell-bottom jeans. The past is reinvented again and again.

An unbelievable number of older acts are touring these days with the dubious label dinosaur rock attached to particularly grey haired performers. Last year Fleetwood Mac was on the road again and my son had bought me a ticket to one of their shows as a birthday present. The old rockers played close to three hours non-stop and generated such a high energy level that even my son was impressed. It was surprising, considering he is more used to semi-underground bands from the States. The audience was an even mix of ‘dad rockers’ and people from their teens upwards. The band had become iconic and as living legends became a ‘must see’ act.

Relaxing with some online radioThe British journalist Malcolm Muggeridge once said:
‘The pursuit of happiness, which American citizens are obliged to undertake, tends to involve them in trying to perpetuate the moods, tastes and aptitudes of youth.’
If Malcolm was correct, then not only the dad rockers looking to remain forever young but the younger generation curious about the magical elixir rock and roll offers should give the music and more in-depth listen. Perhaps it will give them a double dose of youthful energy with an unexpected depth. So if good old rock and roll is alive and well in our music channels and individual playlists, then why try to categorize it as dad rock, which is generally seen as a critical designation implying premature senility with a well-developed dose of tinnitus. So lets skip the labels, get rocking and knock a few years off our lives.


Filed under: 2000s, 420, Music News Tagged: Aging, feeling young, music helps aging, music therapy

GREAT SHOW ALERT: SLAYER in MOUNTAINVIEW, CA

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In talking to a few of my pals, one question keeps popping up; what the hell is up with Slayer?  Well, there has been some in-fighting, there’s been a death in the family, egos may have got a bit out of control, and they have a brand new record coming very soon.  And, they are on tour with 2 new dudes in the band.  Kerry King may be a bit off his rocker, but I’m sure he still knows all them riffs, so I’m alright with that – he could dress up like a Star Trek geek on his spare time, I don’t care as long as he shows up with his spike armband and fucks me up with his riffage.  Also, as long as Tom is screaming I will always dig slayer.

Yes, I love Dave Lombardo, but I’m also a bit sick of his bullshit and am passed it.  Losing Jeff sucks hard, as he always had a bit of a hardcore/punk rock edge to him, but I’m sure the riffage has been passed on to the next guy.  None of us know, though.  So, if you get the chance to be in Mountainview this coming Sunday for the big Rockstar Drink Megaplex thingy, then please do, and maybe tell us what you thought of the ‘new’ Slayer.  Plus, friggin’ King Diamond will be there, and that’s pretty cool or rad or whatever they say in Mountainview, CA. – FATS

MayhemfestWHERE: Shoreline Amphitheatre, MOUNTAINVIEW, CA

WHEN: JULY 28, 2015

HOW MUCH: Multiple ‘Experiences” Packages ranging from $33.50 to $800

GET MORE INFO HERE.


Filed under: 2000s, 420, California, crazy, fuck 'n right, fuzznastics, Gig Posters, guitar, Horror, live music, live performance, Metal, thrash metal Tagged: King Diamond, Mountainview CA, Rockstar Energy Drink Mayhem Festival, Slayer

FEATURE: THAT WICKED INSTRUMENTAL RAY ELLIS SPIDER-MAN MUSIC FROM 1967

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(When you want the real deal music for this amazing cartoon, you need to go back to the first season (1967) of the 60s version.  The Ray Ellis instrumental version is the amazing stuff that GrimSkunk would take and quake our bowels with in the 90s. This is by far the best comic book theme music ever written.  So much class and style, and our pals GrimSkunk do it justice and make it right friggin’ heavy.  Here’s some info we found about that first Spiderman television series from the 60s, plus the music of Ray Ellis, as well as the GrimSkunk heavy version.  Awesome. – FATS)

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Spider-Man was an American animated television series that aired from September 9, 1967, to June 14, 1970. It was the first animated adaptation of the Spider-Man comic book series, created by writer Stan Lee and artist Steve Ditko, and was jointly produced in Canada (for voice talent) and in the United States (for animation). The first two seasons aired on the ABC television network, and the third was distributed in syndication. Grantray-Lawrence Animation produced the first season. Seasons 2 and 3 were produced by Krantz Films in New York City.

Spiderman1967The series revolves around the scientific-minded teenager Peter Parker who, after being bitten by a radioactive spider, develops amazing strength and spider-like powers. He decides to become a crime-fighting, costumed superhero, all the while dealing with his personal problems and the insecurities resulting from being a teenager. As Spider-Man, Parker risks his life to fight super-powered criminals such as Doctor Octopus, Mysterio and the Green Goblin; however, Daily Bugle editor J. Jonah Jameson views him as a criminal, and continually writes front page headlines declaring him as such.

The first season of the show dealt primarily with Peter’s job as a freelance photographer at the Daily Bugle. It focused on his relationship with the gruff, demanding J. Jonah Jameson and romance with receptionist Betty Brant, with Peter often being called into action as his crime-fighting alter-ego. Peter’s life away from the Bugle’s newspaper offices and his Aunt May’s Forest Hills home were almost never dealt with in these early episodes, and he was also never seen at college—although he would sometimes visit various professors he clearly knew (such as the opening of “Sub-Zero for Spidey,” when he went to see a professor by the name of “Smartyr”). The character design for young Peter combined the conceptualizations of both Steve Ditko (such as Peter’s primary-colored blue suit, yellow vest, white shirt, and red tie) and John Romita, Sr., who served as art consultant for the show.

SPIDER-MAN INSTRUMENTAL THEME MUSIC FROM 1967 by RAY ELLIS

 

Season 1 stories mostly involved classic Spider-Man villains from the comic book series, whose captures were often punctuated by a note signed “Your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man.” Stan Lee served as story consultant for this season of the show. The Ralph Bakshi-helmed seasons 2 and 3, however, almost entirely eliminated villains from the comic book as a cost-cutting measure, choosing to instead have Spider-Man face generic, green-skinned, and magical monsters. This enabled reuse of stock footage from Rocket Robin Hood, another animated series produced by Bakshi.

screen05The theme song of the show has become a popular standard. The lyrics were written by Academy Award winner Paul Francis Webster, while the music was composed by Bob Harris. The song’s opening line, “Spider-Man, Spider-Man, does whatever a spider can,” became almost as synonymous with the character as his costume. The original song was recorded at RCA Studios in Toronto (where the cartoon was also produced) featuring twelve CBC vocalists (members of the Billy Van Singers, and Laurie Bower Singers groups) who added to the musical backing track supplied by RCA Studios, New York. The singers were paid only for the session and have had no residuals from its use since then.

The 2002 and 2004 film adaptations have featured characters as buskers performing the song; Jayce Bartok and Elyse Dinh respectively. Both films also feature some version of the song at the very end of the credits: the 2002 adaptation featured the original 1967 recording while the 2004’s Spider-Man 2 has a re-recording by Michael Bublé (also featured on the film’s soundtrack). 2007’s Spider-Man 3 features a performance of the song by a marching band at a public rally celebrating Spider-Man. In 2014’s The Amazing Spider-Man 2, Peter uses a version of the theme as his ring tone.

RAY ELLIS SPIDER-MAN INSTRUMENTAL THEME MUSIC performed by GRIMSKUNK (1991)

 

Meanwhile the incidental music from the series, with its jangling surf guitar, groovy brass lines and jazzy scoring, is highly regarded by fans and much sought after by soundtrack collectors. The first season featured an original score written by Ray Ellis, who also adapted the Bob Harris theme, in the same way John Barry utilized Monty Norman’s “James Bond Theme” in various 007 films, or Nelson Riddle utilized Neal Hefti’s “Batman Theme” in addition to new material. The second and third seasons reused the Ellis score while adding a substantial amount of new music taken from KPM Musichouse tracks (“production music”) featuring such English composers as Johnny Hawksworth, Syd Dale, David Lindup, Johnny Pearson, Alan Hawkshaw, Kenny Graham and the team of Bill Martin & Phil Coulter. Other music came from the Capitol Library by U.S. composers Bill Loose, Emil Cadkin & Jack Cookerly. The Capitol tracks can also be heard on such earlier shows as The Untouchables, The Fugitive and 8th Man. Still other recordings came from the DeWolfe Library.

 


Filed under: 1960s, 1970s, 420, Animation, crazy, fuck 'n right, Instrumental, Legend Tagged: GrimSkunk, Ray Ellis, Spider-Man 1967 TV cartoon, Spider-Man theme music

FEATURE: INDICA RECORDS

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IndicaRecords1Indica Records is a Canadian record label based in Montreal, Quebec, founded by rock band GrimSkunk in 1997. The label was put together by the band, manager Simon Gallipeault, label manager Kyria Kilakos and head of promo Mariana Gianelli, following the demise of the band’s former label Cargo Records. Indica is considered to be the biggest “alternative” label in Quebec. After Gallipeault’s death following a skateboarding accident, GrimSkunk singer Franz Schuller took the helm as president of the company. Indica Records was started with $2000; a grassroots, do-it-yourself approach; and an overriding belief in “artist first” vision.

OLD PIANO by THE FRANKLIN ELECTRIC

 

Armed with the mandate of supporting independent releases for great touring bands lacking label support in Canada, Indica has since grown by leaps and bounds and has expanded its repertoire to encompass a variety of genres beyond the rock/punk/alternative music on which the label was founded, including folk, pop, indie, world and electro-rock.

The company’s vision has not wavered, however. It finds artists with a great attitude, songwriting and originality.

WHISKEY by B.A.R.F.

 

Following 3 successful and inspiring trips to Australia, Indica licenced local icons The Cat Empire and John Butler Trio for Canada and felt such a natural and strong connection between the 2 countries, music and culture, that it was decided to launch a Indica in Australia.

Indica Australia has put together a great team of australian partners, to form a full service music label and company dedicated to develop emerging Australian talent at home and abroad and bring in some of the world’s best new international talent into Australia.

SARAH by KIM CHURCHILL

The first 2 artists to be released in 2012 are Merimbula, Australia’s own Kim Churchill and Montreal indie-folk trio Half Moon Run. The company’s vision for this australian division remains the same. We find artists with a great attitude, songwriting and originality. What we put out has to be special, genuine, and capable of moving people. Our vision is simple: “we are fans first”.

FIND OUT MORE ABOUT INDICA RECORDS MONTREAL HERE, AND INDICA RECORDS AUSTRALIA HERE.


Filed under: 2000s, 420, Australian, Canadian, fuck 'n right, Independent Music, music business, rock Tagged: B.A.R.F. The Franklin Electric, GrimSkunk, Indica Records, Indica Records Australia, Kim Churchill, Record Label

SongoftheDay: A WHITER SHADE OF PALE by PROCOL HARUM

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SongoftheDay: A WHITER SHADE OF PALE by PROCOL HARUM

 

A Whiter Shade of Pale” is the debut single by the English rock band Procol Harum, released 12 May 1967. The record reached number one in the UK Singles Chart on 8 June 1967, and stayed there for six weeks. Without much promotion, it reached No. 5 on the US charts. One of the counterculture anthems of the 1967 Summer of Love, it is one of fewer than 30 singles to have sold over 10 million copies worldwide.

Procol-Harum-1967-resize-1With its Bach-derived instrumental melody, soulful vocals, and unusual lyrics, written by the song’s co-authors Gary Brooker, Keith Reid, and organist Matthew Fisher, “A Whiter Shade of Pale” reached No. 1 in several countries when released in 1967. In the years since, it has become an enduring classic. As of 2009, it was the most played song in the last 75 years in public places in the United Kingdom, and the UK performing rights group Phonographic Performance Limited in 2004 recognised it as the most-played record by British broadcasting of the past 70 years. Also in 2004, Rolling Stone placed “A Whiter Shade of Pale” No. 57 on its list of the 500 Greatest Songs of All Time.

In 1977, the song was named joint winner (along with Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody”) of the Best British Pop Single 1952–1977 at the Brit Awards. In 1998 the song was inducted into the Grammy Hall of Fame. More than 1000 recorded cover versions by other artists are known. The song has been included in many music compilations over the decades and has also been used in the soundtracks of numerous films, including The Big Chill, Purple Haze, Breaking the Waves, The Boat That Rocked, Oblivion, and in Martin Scorsese’s segment of New York Stories. Cover versions of the song have also been featured in many films, for example by King Curtis in Withnail and I and by Annie Lennox in The Net.

The original writing credits were for Brooker and Reid only. On 30 July 2009, Matthew Fisher won co-writing credit for adding the organ parts to the original music in a unanimous ruling from the Law Lords.


Filed under: Uncategorized

CONCERT REVIEW: STEVE MILLER at the OTTAWA INTERNATIONAL JAZZ FESTIVAL

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What is Steve Miller doing performing at a Jazz Festival, you might ask? Well, in our sleepy city of Ottawa, the major music festivals don’t really care much for the genres their names promote, as much as they just want butts in the seats.  In this case, it’s lawn chairs; lawn chairs that take up a pile of space and make the place look fuller than it actually is.  Whatever the reason producers of this dance brought this rock legend to town, it’s summer and Steve Miller makes a cool summer night feel all that much better.

QbUZvzE2Bl37HAb2l_IMHYiEQSuenuuzwejMCSB0FcMOne of the interesting things about the Steve Miller Band is the fact that his Greatest Hits record has done considerably better than any of his full-length offerings.  It’s at the point now that I consider that record the definitive collection, and possibly the only thing you need from this guy.  The completests would fight me on that, but I don’t believe I have ever met a completest who needed everything from this guy.  Now, that Greatest Hits 1974-78 collection with the Pegasus on the cover is easily one of the highest grossing albums of all time.  That record screams summertime.  An afternoon by the pool , or a sunset evening with a few pals, drinking a few cocktails, is only enhanced by a little Steve Miller.  Take that idea and move it into a beautiful park setting in the middle of a beautiful city like Ottawa, add some locally crafted beers and the sweet scent of the cheeb being passed along the line, and you’d be hard pressed to find a better party.  The setting was perfect.

1297717064597_ORIGINALBeing a jazz festival, and I mean this with the deepest respect, you may not run into the same sound systems you find at the big rock events Steve Miller may play on a regular night.  I mean, the sound was okay, and it might just be that the band is a watered down version of what the record had 30-some years ago, but as much as the vibe was there, the band seemed a bit weak.  They played hit after hit after hit, but it just felt a bit boring, like Steve was looking at a sea of fat civil servants sitting in lawn chairs and could only feed off as much energy as he was being given.  Yeah, people danced at the back, but they were really at the back.  I get it.  It’s a jazz festival and folks are there because they want to enjoy the music.  I like that too.  I quite enjoy the idea of relaxing in a nice park and listening to great tunes, but it’s a rock show and bands like this feed off the energy of the crowd.  In the end, it was a beautiful night with some great tunes we all knew and loved, but it was definitely 2015 and not 1974 when many of those songs from that Greatest Hits collection lit fire to the airwaves.  It smelled like 1974 though, and that made for a quite enjoyable party in the park.

Here’s a clip from a performance in Houston on this same tour from a few months back – you be the judge. – FATS

JET AIRLINER live in Texas 2015 by THE STEVE MILLER BAND


Filed under: 1970s, 2000s, 420, 70s rock, classic rock, concert review, fuck 'n right, fuzznastics, guitar, Legend, live music, live performance Tagged: concert review, Ottawa Jazz Festival, Steve Miller, Steve Miller at Ottawa Jazz Festival

Vertigo Records Album Review: NEW CROWN by WOLFMOTHER

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SPONSORED BY VERTIGO RECORDS – 193 RIDEAU ST. OTTAWA, CANADA

vertigologo2011(I’ve had the chance to take a listen to everything this band has done, and to me it sounds a bit like a cover band taking all the chops they learned from the songs they cover and mashed them into a sound for themselves.  Many bands have done this in the past, it’s called having influences, but the critic world seems to shit all over these guys because they seem to carbon copy the stuff far too much.  Well, in the spirit of carbon copy, we bring you a review by someone else for this record.  The difference here is that I’m going to give credit to the writer and not call it my own.  Perhaps Wolfmother need do the same when their next offering hits the racks in 2016. This review was written by Jordan Minnesota as a contributor for sputnikmusic.com – we enjoyed it, but by no means created this ourselves and sold it.  Silly Wolfmother. – FATS)

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WM_NewCrownCDGiven credit where it’s due, Wolfmother have always done things on their own terms, so when they did succeed it never seemed insincere or worthy of being referred to as ‘selling out’. Their debut LP was enjoyable, but little more than a Black Sabbath/Led Zeppelin inspired homage, with the likes of “Woman” and “The Joker & the Thief” providing nothing more than air guitar theatrics and head banging choruses of cocaine-sized proportions. The problem was though that past said eponymous debut, they found success was hard to hit again- Cosmic Egg was little more than a trudge through those same core values, homogenized for the sake of the audience they’d attracted. The catch? They didn’t care, and if the dire sales and critical appathy are anything to go by, it seemed the only thing to go off of was that Andrew Stockdale was intent people still wanted to listen.

So after some tirades at ‘hip’ media outlets for not caring and releasing a snooze inducing solo album, Andrew Stockdale has put out another effort under the Wolfmother moniker to little in the way of entertainment. Absent of anything resembling a single, “How Many Times” is a rather forgettable attempt at the band doing their fuzz rock thing again in 2014. Following up on “Enemy is in Your Mind”, “Heavy Weight” and the title track, the bands’ penchant for Iommi-sized riffs and Blue Cheer sludge is deplorable at best. Containing little in the way of lyrical content (pithy kingdoms the likes of which Ronnie James Dio would think up on his uninspired days), the band rely too heavily on their riffs to charge songs which, frankly, aren’t up to much. Take the attempts at a Rainbow style epic on “Tall Ships”, which feel bored and lacking in muscle.

sp_image_220If there were any positives to get from this, it’s that despite the complete lack of originality and entertainment, Stockdale is quite clearly having fun with this material, absent on his solo album Keep Moving. “Feelings”, “She Got It” and “”I Ain’t Got No”” are rather enjoyable blasts of Stooges inspired punk rock, but again, you can’t help but think to yourself that the MC5 probably did this a lot better 40 years ago. Arguably, the only redeeming factor is the penultimate track “My Tangerine Dream”, prime ersatz Zeppelin homage that at least captures the epic sonic size they dream so hard of having.

Critics and audiences have rarely been kind to Wolfmother and it’s questionable they’ll change their minds after listening to this run-of-the-mill effort. While concise and superficially entertaining to the less critical amongst us, Stockdale shows very little concern towards actually evolving as an artist and instead resting on his own sense of admiration for his ‘70s superstars. The problem is this is hardly entertaining or engaging for anyone other than Stockdale, and whether it finds an audience 8 years on from their debut is anybody’s guess.

NEW CROWN by WOLFMOTHER from the album NEW CROWN


Filed under: 2000s, 420, fuzznastics, guitar, rock, Vertigo Records Album Review Tagged: album reviews, New Crown, Vertigo Records, Vertigo Records Album Review, Wolfmother

FRIDAY FEATURE: HOW NOT TO BE A DICK ON CANADA DAY – ADVICE FROM A RETIRED CANADIAN BARTENDER

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(I friggin’ hate big hurrah, flag-waving holidays.  I love my country, but can’t stand the amateur hour of piling millions of people out in the sun, letting them get shitfaced, some for the first time, then trying to get home in that mess after an afternoon of piss-poor entertainment.  Even the small intimate BBQ setting turns into a shit show most times.  We found this great guide put together by our good pal Di Golding,when she wrote for heartattakfilms.com, on the do’s and don’ts if you do feel the need to venture out into this bullshit.  She is a wicked talent and you can catch her now over at dearcastandcrew.com, as well as ottawamagazine.com, where she is taking over the internet one word at a time.   

My advice, enjoy the day off.  Have a quiet drink or two with a few close, mild-mannered friends, and leave the sunstroke to the idiots.  If you happen to live in Ottawa and have a balcony anywhere near the downtown area, then sit back and enjoy the show; and I’m talking about the shitty stage part or the ‘Hill fireworks either. – FATS)

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As much as Canadians hate to admit it, many stereotypes about us are true; we say “sorry” like it’s punctuation, we put maple syrup on everything, and our politetness can almost be mistaken for mockery. But on one day a year, we allow ourselves to submit to the kind of unabashed bacchanalia that other less modest countries simply refer to as ‘Friday’. Nothing brings out our country’s inner Rob Ford quite like Canada Day in the National Capital.

I was a bartender in Ottawa for fifteen years. I spent the best Canada Days of my life witnessing people at their very worst, and what I tell you is based on personal and professional experience and, more regrettably, on sights I can never unsee.

Because common sense is a flower that does not grow in everyone’s garden, I’ve compiled a handy guide for you to navigate the madness that is our country’s biggest party. Most of what follows can be taken as just sound life advice. When I say “don’t be a dick”, I mean not just to fellow partyers and bar staff, but to yourself, too. It’s okay to have fun, just not at the expense of the other 99,999 people (give or take) around you. What I tell you might just save you from being filmed doing something disgraceful. But probably not, because YOLO, or whatever it is you kids say these days.

1. Be Prepared

LUM4-250313DGo to the bank machine the night before, or even better, go to a bank machine outside the Parliament Hill area, because by 2pm, all (three) ATM’s in the Market will be out of money, or will have become makeshift toilets, most likely both. I know what you’re thinking, “But I don’t need to go to the bank machine, I can just use my debit/credit card wherever I go.” Employing that logic, you could also use your roommate’s toothbrush to clean your bathroom floors, but it takes too damn long and you will end up being universally despised. On Canada Day cash is king. Cabbies, bartenders, dudes on bikes pulling coolers full of water and the guy selling those stupid glowing necklaces your girlfriend wants don’t give a fuck about your aero points plan.

Women: bring kleenex with you unless you enjoy letting your labes drip dry like you’re at goddamn Woodstock. Toilets will be out of paper by noon, and even if the management has put out extra rolls in anticipation, some poorly raised moron will have decided to wad it all up and force it down the sink drain before turning the tap on full blast and walking away. In my 19 years in the service industry I saw some disgusting things, but the level of nasty found in the women’s lav at the end of the night never failed to both offend and impress me. Drunk chicks are pigs.

120831042921-trail-mix-pile-story-topBring snacks. Cliff Bars, fruit roll ups, a friggin’ apple, anything portable, because by the time you realize you’re hungry, find a restaurant, get a table, peruse the menu and actually get served, Beyonce will have put out a new album. If you have food allergies, forget it. The regular menu does not apply on Canada Day because the kitchen simply cannot keep up with the demands of anything more than a few easily prepared items. The abridged menu will have nothing you really want and it will be at least three times more expensive than your first car. Expect fries, nachos, poutine, wings, fries, burger and fries, chicken fingers and fries and also fries. You might find bruschetta for the vegetarians but it’s just as likely you’ll see a unicorn riding a beaver dressed as a Mountie. If you are gluten intolerant just kill yourself. Oh, and today, of all days you don’t get to complain about how long anything takes. If you do, your server will give you a look that seems to say, “I’m doing the best I can” but really means, “It’s Canada Day in the Nation’s Capital, fuckstick, what did you think was going to happen?”

2. Dress appropriately.

canadaday2003Bros: You are not Captain Canada so please stop wearing the flag as a cape. At best it shows a painful lack of imagination and at worst it’s disrespectful. If you must go shirtless, consider a fake maple leaf tattoo, a real maple leaf tattoo, or possibly all the unfortunate life events that lead to the false assumption that being half naked and sweaty in a crowd of a hundred thousand people is a considerate thing to do. If you truly love Canada, you won’t let its flag get dragged on the ground, puked on, pissed on or tripped over. You can walk into any store right now and get Canada Day swag for less than the price of a double-double. If it gets ruined, you can throw it away at the end of the night. But our flag deserves a better fate than that of a disposable diaper.

MusicFestivalBansHeaddresses-619-386Native American Headdresses. Don’t. The hipster in Wayfarer knock-offs and a traditional feathered war-bonnet from Urban Outfitters is an ignorant trend that has popped up in the last half decade and needs to end now. It wasn’t cute at Coachella circa ’09, or on Pharrell Williams’ cover of UK Elle magazine, or on any number of ass-hats trying to give off a sweet summer vibe. There are all kinds of ridiculous arguments people will use – “I think they are beautiful”, “I’m part Native so it’s okay”, “I’m wearing it to honour Native people” – but none are valid. Headdresses are considered sacred and are worn at specific ceremonies by a very select few who have earned that privelege. If you truly admire the culture, maybe you should sit the festivities out, stay home and learn a little bit about it. I suggest starting here.

no-open-toed-footwear-sign-is-1185If there are any little kids reading this, and Christ, I hope not, heed my advice; if you want to ensure a lifetime of employment, become a podiatrist. By the time you go into practice, there will be a generation of limping souls lined up outside your door, aching from years of wearing flip-flops. Flip-flops are an abomination at the best of times, but if you wear them to what is essentially a drunken zombie apocalypse, you deserve whatever you get. You’d be better off walking into a pharmacy and grabbing a couple of those free health brochures about Hepatitis that they keep on a carousel near the hearing aids, and strapping them onto your feet with hair elastics. At least the brochures are trying to protect you. The ground will be littered with broken glass, sticky red Solo cups, dog shit, unextinguished cigarettes and any matter of effluvia that would make a Mumbai plumber gag. You might get lucky and just end up with a broken sandal and impetigo. Or you might end up with pulpy, bloody stumps and for the rest of your life you will have to come up with some elaborate lie to describe what happened to you because, “I wore flip-flops to Parliament Hill on Canada Day” will be too embarrassing to admit.

3. Leave the strollers at home.

BabyStrollersIf you’ve read this far and you aren’t nodding to yourself in agreement when you see #3 up there, maybe parenting isn’t for you. Ottawa is family-friendly almost to a fault, but especially on Canada Day, where there are any number of events and activities taking place in more age-appropriate surroundings than the bloated frat party that is Parliament Hill.  Here’s a helpful list.
Bringing a kid in a stroller to The Hill on the busiest day of the year is pretty much the equivalent of pushing it through an overcrowded prison yard. In Mexico. If your kid doesn’t get alcohol, urine, vomit or cigarette ashes all over itself while simultaneously being bumped into every five seconds by drunk people who (quite rightly) don’t expect to have to look out for a stroller, it will definitely end up with infant PTSD and whiplash. And if you are fortunate enough to make it home later, don’t be surprised if the inside of the stroller looks like the chum bucket from Jaws.
Dog-owners, same goes for you. If the mob mentality and pavement abbatoir I described above doesn’t convince you to leave your dog safe at home, maybe you should put on your Michael Vick jersey and go sit in a hot car with all the windows up so you can ponder responsible pet ownership.

4. Practice Proper Bar Etiquette

Again, this is just good advice any day of the year, but especially on Canada Day, when most bar staff will work 12-14 hours minimum. If you think the staff will make a killing in tips on the busiest day of the year you’d be dead wrong. They will work twice as hard for half the money and here’s why: the bar is full of tourists who have absolutely no loyalty to the place but have one simple mission statement; to get pissed as fast as possible as cheaply as possible.

tipping_not_city_in_china_buttonIf you learn only one thing in your entire life it should be this: If you can’t afford to tip, you can’t afford to drink. Period. Stay home, get pissed on Night Train, make a mess and clean it up yourself. I get that you’re on vacation, and counting your pennies, but if you don’t factor gratuities into your budget, you will not have a good time. You will get served once, but you probably won’t get served again. Like Santa Claus or your first grade teacher, bartenders see everything. Even though you waited til our backs were turned to leave us a quarter, we will instinctively develop a case of selective blindness. You can lean over the bar, wave money around like a jackass and even holler to get our attention, but it won’t matter because you’ve become a ghost. Even Beetlejuice won’t appear if you say his name three times, you know why? Because a quarter isn’t a tip. It’s a fucking quarter.

Doorways, bottom of the stairs, top of the stairs and the server’s station. Don’t stand there.

bartenderConcerning behaviour, most bars have a zero tolerance policy at the best of times, but on Canada Day, the slightest infraction will get you thrown out. There are literally thousands of people waiting to get inside so we don’t need to put up with your shit. The staff is sweaty, weary, wired on too many cups of coffee and is just waiting for an excuse to rid the place of one more asshole. If you do anything, anything the staff doesn’t like, you will be out on your ass. And your friends probably won’t follow you because it took them too long to get in and get served in the first place.

If you get thrown out, accept it and move on. There are street parties and beer tubs and numerous other bars where you can get your fix on Canada Day. We don’t want to hear your side of the story, we don’t want an apology and we don’t care who you know that works there. Here’s something a bartender or doorman has never said to anyone ever: “Oh, now that I’ve heard your nuanced and logical version of events I’d like to give you a second chance. We were wrong and you were right. Come on back in!”

heat-stroke5. Wear suncreen, or a hat, and drink lots of water. The worst way to honour this great country of ours is by needlessly burdening our much beloved yet moribund health care system with an unnecessary ER trip for sunstroke or dehydration that could have easily been avoided.

 

6. Don’t get arrested.

0You’re probably laughing right now, because it seems like such obvious advice that surely you would never need. But on Canada Day – in the crowd, in the bars, in line at the McDonalds – shit can go pear-shaped so fast that you won’t even know what happened. What I said about bars having a zero tolerance policy applies to the cops as well. When the two work in concert, well, it’s like watching ballet. One of my favourite Canada Day stories started with a tiny drunk chick being refused service. Not getting thrown out, mind you, just not being allowed to consume alcohol. Instead of drinking the water she was offered she smashed it on the ground and proceeded to tell the doorman some horrible things about his mother. As he struggled to get her outside while she kicked his shins, a cruiser pulled up. The cop jumped out of the car, pulled her off the doorman and tried to calm her down and for his trouble got her fist in his face. The cop swung her around to put her in a hold and – I swear I remember this part happening in slow motion – her purse whipped around with her, opened up and released from it’s depths a ping-pong ball-sized wad of cocaine that glowed like a comet as it trailed across the dark night sky. So now, instead of just sipping her water quietly then going home to reenact the final scene from Scarface, she was face down on the hood of a Crown Vic. Remember that ATM-toilet I described earlier? Imagine that 8 by 8 room crammed full of the worst kind of jag-offs all wearing cape flags, native headdresses and flip flops. But minus the ATM and with more vomit and urine, because that’s what the drunk tank on Canada Day looks like. You don’t want to go there.

PROUD TO BE CANADIAN by DAYGLO ABORTIONS

Here are some of the things you will probably lose on Canada Day;
Your phone, your purse, your friends, your virginity, your patience, your balance, your hotel key, your dignity, your sense of direction, your ability to make good decisions, your inhibitions, your shoes, and control of your bladder. BUT, Canada Day in the Nation’s Capital is something you have to do at least once, and if you want it to, can be one of the best experiences of your life. I’d love to be able to tell you that it’s a party you will never forget, but the reality is, it’s a party you will never remember.


Filed under: 2000s, ARG!, Canadian, crazy, Drink, FOOD, fuck 'n right, FUCKING IDIOT, Gibbled Tagged: Canada Day, Canada Day etiquette, don't be an idiot, smart holiday travels
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